About time we started one? [upl-image-preview url=//i.imgur.com/SdT33q9.png ]

[upl-image-preview url=//i.imgur.com/14AcfHS.jpeg]

https://www.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/omicron-variant-memes-61-61ae05844f174__700.jpg

One for the vaccine refusenik conspiracy theorists. [upl-image-preview url=//i.imgur.com/vk7NX1j.png] It's true. I removed the antennae from my wheels and some sod came round and let my tyres down.

Reimagining Gender! https://imgur.com/a/jZl98ZU

![Brits take to social media to see the funny side in the face of a new lockdown](https://www.thesun.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/NINTCHDBPICT000628901657.jpg)

I must be normal, all I can see is an 8. [URL=https://i.imgur.com/v1Bn9Oc.jpg][IMG]https://i.imgur.com/v1Bn9Oc.jpg[/IMG][/URL]

My favourite joke I loved to tell when I was a child……… A snake was warming himself in a nice sunny spot in the woods when another snake came quickly slithering up to him and with a very worrying anxious look on his face said… "Sid! Sid! Quick! What am I, a grass snake or an adder?" "A grass snake, why?" replied Sid sleepily. "Thank Gawd for that. I've just bit me lip!"

I have a friend Pat from Ireland went into the local market to apply for a job. The boss thought to himself, "I'm not hiring that lazy swine", so he decided to set a test for our emerald hero hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions and he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument. The first question was, "Without using numbers, represent the number 9." Pat says, "Dat's easy" and proceeds to draw three trees. The boss says, "What in the world is that?" Pat says, "Tree 'n tree 'n tree makes nine." "Fair enough" says the boss. "Second question, same rules, but represent 99". Pat stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree. "Der ya go boy," he says. The boss scratches his head and asks, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?" Pat answers, "Oh b'Jaisus it's so easy look each tree is dirty now, so it's dirty tree 'n dirty tree 'n dirty tree - dat's 99." The boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire Pat so he says, "All right, question number 3. Same rules again, but this time represent the number 100." Pat stares into space again, then he shouts, "Sweet mother of Mary i've got it!" He makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Der ya go sir -100." The boss looks at Pat’s attempt and thinks, "Ha! got him this time." He then tells him, "Go on, the paddy, you must be crazy if you think that represents a 100." Pat leans forward and points to the little marks at the tree bases and says, "A little dog comes along and craps near the base of each tree, so now ya got dirty tree an' a turd, dirty tree an' a turd, and dirty tree an' a turd, which makes 100. When do I start me job?"

@"-Mac"#p1329 Ah…that word filter….but people will figure out that it's turd

https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=fCNvZqpa-7Q&fbclid=IwAR2_F-MQHws1WFI0hPMKsKt_68qa5vsNpe1yCRySmOmIESbf0wiC5rS2tXk&ab_channel=TimMinchin

Funnies Thread

JahLaza

Picked this thread coz I had to laugh,might be better in the ‘rising prices’ thread or something. But, please tell me - how DO they arrive at these prices??!!

CoyoteOldMan

DavecUK 😁 If these were my kids: “That’s what you are going to eat for the next week. Take your pick.”

JahLaza It’s exactly 50 “old” Irish Punt. Plenty of similar oddities in Italy - “No smoking; fine of €10.33”

JahLaza

CoyoteOldMan oh yes, I forgot we changed and that everything was rounded upwards!!

JahLaza

CoyoteOldMan Italy - “No smoking; fine of €10.33”

Last time I was in Italy you’d be fined for NOT smoking 😂😂

dutchy101

JahLaza everything was rounded upwards

It’s always rounded upwards, significantly too

CoyoteOldMan

JahLaza Still today… much less, but I’m amazed at the number of young people smoking!

DavecUK

CoyoteOldMan

DavecUK I didn’t know we shared so many colleagues

DavecUK

LMSC

-Mac

May be an image of text that says 'Every year billions of innocent potatoes are ripped from their families and brutally murdered But no more! Sciensts at ASDA revealed today that they have created mashed potato made entirely from plants. ASDA MASHED PLANTBASED FORMAM MARM MAD POTATO Super smooth. prepared British potatons 04 MAR 1053 07:03 400g POTATO Enpitdopsal'

DavecUK

-Mac The additional irony is the potatoes taken from natural packaging, processed, placed in a plastic tray and sealed….all to save the planet with “plant based” food.

DavecUK

The great Bob Monkhouse, one you may not have remembered and one you most surely would. Always wondered why he never got a Knighthood?

Hugely funny….

A few one liners

Norvin

Bob wrote down all of his jokes in the books shown in the second clip. When one was stolen he called him The Thief of Bad Gags.

drdre89

Now i’m not saying i’m attractive, but when i take my clothes off in the bathroom the shower gets turned on.

How much does a roof cost? … Nothing, it’s on the house.

Cuprajake

CoyoteOldMan

Does that apply to the bill too?

DavecUK

This gave me a chuckle

-Mac

Very clever :)

DavecUK Is it worth making this thread a Sticky? I have loads to post but can’t always be bothered to find the thread. If it was always there, I’d post more ;)

DavecUK

-Mac Stickies are not without issues, as they don’t always work as we think, it has been improved. these are my options

For example marking all discussions as read won’t remove a sticky, you actually have to go in and scroll to the bottom of the thread to remove it from the all discussions list. It reappears when someone posts something new, but then it would anyway.

Tag stickies, only work in their own area, so you have to remember where it is.

Super stickies stay at the top of the list, so you are very limited on how many you want there. I will make it a sticky and we can see how we go.

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